F you very much.

This quotation came to my mind again last night:

It is not necessary to be strong in every place if in the place you are vulnerable, you are loved.

The whole of this year, I've been learning this one lesson: Only God knows how I feel. The next best person who knows how I feel is hubby. The rest - not even close.

On a kinder note - the rest are already up to their necks with their own little issues.
To be brutally biased - maybe they just don't care that much.

These 6 months in 2012, i have transformed into such a sensitive and wary person in church. I am now worried about the way I look, the way I speak, the way I behave, for fear of offending people unknowingly. The only time I can truly relax is during worship or prayer time, where I close my eyes and run to God. Only God knows my struggles and reasons behind my decisions. I know God loves me and He alone knows me for who I really am. Because of what had happened, the good thing that came out of it is that I've grown so much closer to God.

I still hate what happened. I still hate how people blindly believe without finding out the truth for themselves. I still hate how some people I care about just go about thinking that it's a small issue and I should just get over it. Last night, I just kept quiet, mainly because I knew it was pointless if i tried to share. Anyway, i don't wanna be seen harping on the same matter all the time, as it will appear so to some people. I just announced to all in one simple statement "I am still affected".

Sure, I think too much. WELL THAT'S BECAUSE I WASN'T EVEN SURE IF YOU GUYS ARE ON MY SIDE IN THE FIRST PLACE. People aren't even aware of what has happened, nothing was said to clear the air, nothing was said to offer me that little bit of necessary support. People are just left wondering what happened and people who are totally clueless went to the other side to find out what happened, resulting in them unfriending ME - which I found out and started feeling lousy ALL OVER AGAIN.

So don't fucking blame me for still feeling bloody affected!