depressed

I feel like i am suffering from an early attack of mid-life crisis. I am now lamenting over what the meaning of life is. Everything is truly meaningless. Every achievement will fade into nothingness someday and they are nothing but faint memories. Beauty is temporal, same goes for fame, popularity, riches and power. So I wonder, what truly is more meaningful?
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I wanna be good at many things.
I wanna be good at singing, dancing and playing guitar. I wanna be fit and slim.
I wanna have a talent. You know, an exceptional talent, not just a so-so kind of skill, but I wanna be told that I am fantastic at something.
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But one day, it's all going to go back into the box. Life is nothing but a fleeting moment. I sound suicidal, don't i?
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Yesterday I was on leave with hubby. In the morning, we went to a workshop to do some free car seat coat conditioning. We registered with this young girl who looked maybe max 25 years old. I was wondering, what was she doing there in the old run-down car workshop in the middle of some ulu-sembawang industrial area? I dun think she gets a great pay from this kind of job. with her pretty looks and possibly diploma education, she can do much better in a better company. I was just so baffled.

Hubby and I then went to Textile Centre for food review. We did a reccee of Textile Centre and we saw many many old textile/ trading companies in that centre. Quite a few of them had altars right in front of their shops. There were quite a few licensed moneylenders in there too. So you can roughly imagine the scenario that I was seeing there. Old & small companies that don't look very promising.

Then something caught my eye. I saw a few young ladies working inside these small companies (many of them are shop fronts, hence even if it's a proper office, it was all glass panels which I can see through) and I wondered again, why did they choose to work in such companies when they can get better jobs out there? I mean, I wouldn't wanna work in such a company coz I will feel super insecure about the company's stability. The place is also so eerie and old.

I thought a lot about what I saw yesterday. and I came to a conclusion. They chose to stay in such companies because of reasons which they deem as valid. It can be any of these reasons:

It's a family business.
They dislike change.
They are happy working there.
They have a deep sense of loyalty.

Whatever the case is, I envy them. I realised that $$$ is no longer a considering factor to them. But the intangible reasons hold much more importance.
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Back to my suicidal thoughts. I have 24 hours a day, not that I have a choice. I have a life to live, not that I have a choice either. We just live because we are human beings and thats what we are supposed to do. and after 70 years, we are supposed to go back into the box. There is no reason to do anything anymore, isn't it?

This is getting endless. So please allow me to conclude. I do believe in a Creator who created me and everything else. And that is the start of everything.

Ecclesiastes is a book in the Bible that talks about everything being meaningless, and I feel exactly how the author feels!

But in Chapter 9, after all the depressing facts, he wrote-

"Go, eat your food with gladness, and drink your wine with a joyful heart, for God has already approved what you do. Always be clothed in white, and always anoint your head with oil. Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love, all the days of this meaningless life that God has given you under the sun—all your meaningless days. For this is your lot in life and in your toilsome labor under the sun. Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might, for in the realm of the dead, where you are going, there is neither working nor planning nor knowledge nor wisdom."

In summary, we just have to make do with what we've got and make the bloody best out of it! =.=