怕老婆

3 more days to Hope Conference! Ha, I'm counting down everyday. Looking forward to it!!
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I posted on FB today "There is a difference between 怕老婆 and 尊重老婆."
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Men who 怕老婆 - seeks wife's opinion in every decision-making process, then obeys wife ultimately, even requests/ threats/ demands that are nonsensical/ unreasonable/ illogical/ stupid.
Men who 尊重老婆 - seeks wife's opinion in every decision-making process, if opinions clash, husband is able to rationalize logically with wife to come to a amicable/ reasonable/ win-win/ satisfying decision.
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After some observation, I realise that men who 怕老婆, 怕老婆 not because they naturally 怕老婆, but it's because their wives are unable to submit to them, hence resulting in the men having to submit instead, just to appease the wives. Some wives will prefer their husbands to be the 怕老婆 type, so they can do whatever they like in the marriage. Well, if the wives happen to be people who can make sensible and logical decisions all the time, then I have nothing to say. BUT most of the time, the wives merely THINK they are the type who can make better decisions than the husbands, but the truth is, they are really not good decision-makers.
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And the even more important point is, in a marriage, it's not just about you and your own whims and fancies. Every decision should be mutually agreed upon by both husband and wife. If not, get married for what? Stay single and lead your own life lor. You want a husband, you want children, you want legitimate sex, and now you want to bully your husband. A bit unfair leh.
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The natural order is for the husband to be one who brings back the dough while the wife nurtures the children. Of course, times have changed and we see the order reversed in many families. If both parties agree to reversing the order and dun mind doing reverse roles, that's great. However, I have to say that, not many men will want that because they naturally want to lead the woman of their lives. Men's desire is to provide for the family and their greatest satisfaction is to see their wife and children well taken care of. Regardless of the modernization of the world, this natural instinct still stays in most men.
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I mean, you don't see the lioness and the lion/ tiger and the tigress/ king bee and queen bee having conflicts. That's because the natural order is there and they dun intend to change it. We humans are more complicated coz we have what the animals do not have --> personalities/ different thinking patterns etc. Why not learn from the simple animals?
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Now, I would like to talk more about the men who try to appease their wives just to get some peace. Sure, peace is cool and keeps the wife happy. Of cos la, everything is according to the wife's wishes mah. Wife happy = husband happy. But this equation is not correct leh.
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Example: Wife wants $2000 LV bag. Husband says no $$. Wife gets into a depression-like mood and refuses to talk to him. Husband ends up borrowing $$ from friend to buy the $2000 bag for wife --> Wife Happy.
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In this case (and many other cases), the equation ends up in a huge mess. That is because the wife is unreasonable and demanding. Sometimes, even I can fall into such a trap. I think I deserve a nice bag every year (every half a year can?). I scold my hubby for no reason whenever I dun get enough sleep or enough food!!
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Hence, wives, I am sure you dun want husbands who 怕 you, but you will want husbands who 尊重 you. If you bully your husbands by imposing your selfish decisions on him, you can be sure he will lose that 尊重 for you. It's simple relationship skills. You lose friends that way too, isn't it?
Of course, husbands, in the same way, 尊重 your wives by including them in your decision making processes for the family. Talk it out, rationalize together, or involve a sensible 3rd party in if you need more advice.
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I know, I sound like I'm defending the men here hahaha. Perhaps my hubby has been a wonderful hubby these few years. :)