To others, my girl falling sick is another physically tiring episode for the mum, me.



To me, it's another spiritual and mental challenge, and the physical exhaustion comes in and tries to weaken my fighting spirit.



I do not mind not sleeping, or being tired. I dread more the mental frustration and helplessness that clings onto me when my girl's sickness keeps on dragging its feet and refuses to give up. When my girl gets better, I heave a sigh of relief. a few hours later, my heart drops to my feet when my mum calls to report that her fever is up again. This week, it has happened so many times!



I start scolding God and ask 'Can you just fucking stop bringing my girl for a roller coaster ride? When are You going to stop all this shit!'.



 I just feel like escaping from all this craziness and let hubby and my mum take over. Just dun bother me and let me sleep my worries away. It's affecting my work so badly coz i jus keep sighing and my mum jus keeps calling.



It breaks my heart to see my girl lose weight day by day, or see her breathing through her mouth coz her nose is blocked. It breaks my heart to hear her coarse voice. It breaks my heart to see her eat those medicine for nearly a week. I start blaming myself for bringing her out to the beach. I start asking God why is my girl so prone to falling sick. I start asking God why she can't be stronger or healthier. I start asking God why is He testing me this way. Why test me using a kid?!



I do not know why God did this. Perhaps I will understand once it's over. But i know that God is in control, He knows what He is doing and He has a good reason for dragging on this illness.



She is still having low grade fever now, since yesterday. It went up once or twice to 39 degrees but the temperature hovered around 37.5 at most times. I am going to start these habits seriously:



1) Pray for her daily
2) Start following the Food Pyramid STRICTLY for her. She'll have to start eating fruits and more solids. My mum has been giving her 2 times porridge and 1 time rice (with veg, fish, soup). No fruits at all coz she doesn't like it. Not enough rice either. Too much milk given to her also.
3) Bring her out for a 15-min walk daily. Walk around the neighbourhood.



Perhaps God knows we have not been giving her enough in terms of nutrition and exercise, hence her immunity is this weak. and hence this brutal wake up call. God can see further, I am sure.