chasing after nothing?

a minor outburst earlier this evening caused me to rethink about my life.

my life is just another memory and it won't amount to anything much eventually. all the friends whom i've made in this past 29 years, are just passing clouds unless i've made significant impact in their lives. all the things i've done, the achievements i've made, will amount to nothing because....they will simply be forgotten.

my life is just a gust of wind, easy comes, easy goes. just like any other life. i look around me, it's just a 5 room flat with minimal decor and simple furniture. all these, too shall pass. whatever i see, nothing is eternal, nothing is worth the chase.

Money? It brings momentary happiness, but it also brings never-ending greed.

Fame? It brings superficial satisfaction, never contentment.

High educational qualifications? It does open doors to greater opportunities, and must be sought after for the right reason. definitely not the above 2 reasons.

i know, as a believer, that my calling is to lead a victorious and faith-filled life. to lead a life which is honoring to God, a life which impacts others positively and to bring some light into their daily routine.

However, my forgetful and distracted mind often allow materialistic thoughts to enter me and make me feel dissatisfied with life, make me feel depressed about what i have. I end up entertaining those thoughts and feel forgotten and imprisoned.

My marriage, similarly, will just be another marriage with its ups and downs, unless we decide to make it a passionate and lasting affair.

i feel kinda sad...not the emotional tear-jerking kind of sad, but the disappointed kind of sad. because for the past 29 years, my life has been wasted. i have taken all kinds of wrong paths, i have made all kinds of wrong decisions, i have done all sorts of regrettable things. but i certainly do not regret the friends i have made and the decision to rededicate my life to God 2.5 years ago.

I think it is time i wake up from my slumber. i think its time to start to live every moment.